"unmanned firehose"

I'm watching MSNBC and I thought that I'd like to do that "live blogging" thing I've so enjoyed reading from other bloggers during and after other debates and major political events.

But I can't think about anything pundit-ty because it's the Keith Olbermann show. And there are two things I know in this world.

1. The number of women currently getting tubal ligation surgery should be quadrupled for the good of the world and the women themselves.

2. Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow are totally fucking.

It's HILARIOUS!! They are dropping little innuendos. Rachel Maddow actually just engaged in a conversation about manned and unmanned firehoses. And she's blushing. Giggling.

This is too much for me.

Okay. Now on to super serious live blogging. Full disclosure: I have company; we're drinking wine and playing PalinBingo. Feta cheese is involved. This will be wildly unintellectual.


8:44 pm
Sarah Palin has arrived at Wash. U. Per Olbermann "none were injured."

8:45 pm
The merlot is really nice. It's from Chile.

8:56
Every week thousands of Americans file for bankruptcy because of medical bills. Thanks AARP commercial. In related news, Sarah Palin can't read.

8:56
It's still 8:56.

9:00
Sarah Palin asks, "Can I call you Joe?" She seems real nice.

9:01
Bailout bill...was this the worst or best?

Biden: Bam. One against Bush. One point Biden. Points out fundamental disagreement between Obama and McCain, he and Palin.

Palin: Soccer mom. First "Betchya." I'm winning bingo. She's come up with an example of McCain's record!

9:07
Biden brings up Violence against Women Act. Ding. Paints himself as able to reach across the aisle. "Fundamentals of the economy are strong" line. "Out of touch." Attacking McCain.

Palin: "McCain was talking about the American workforce." Ummmm...they don't have jobs.

Gwen points out that neither of them answered the question...

9:09
Who was at fault for the sub-prime mortgage crisis?

Palin: "Darn right it was the predator lenders."

I'm just going to go ahead right now and say [sic] and apply it to all her quotes...

Republicans love strict oversight...new from Sarah Palin.

Biden attacks deregulation and accuses McCain of voting for it more than 20 times. And then connects it to McCain's plan to 'deregulate' health care. The middle class needs relief. Ding. Two points.

Palin: "Darn right we need tax relief." Darn right number two. Cuteness points: two.

Biden: "That is absolutely not true. John McCain voted the same way." "John has voted 477 times to raise taxes."

9:10
Palin's sparkly pin is distracting me.

Palin: Talks about all the taxes she cut in Alaska. Biden smiles widely.

Biden: "Where I come from it's called fairness. The middle class is struggling...they got not a single tax break [from McCain.] He brings up the old 95% people under Obama's plan will have lower or same taxes. "We have a different value set."

I agree. We have them. They don't. Values, I mean.

Palin: Appeals to small business who fit into the 250,000+ range...will cost jobs...says government is the problem, not the solution.

To her, the definition of patriotism is the near absence of government. Hmm.

9:19
5,000 tax credit...health care plan...it's shitty.

"With one hand you give it, with another you take it."
-Biden on McCain plan. I love it.

Bridge to nowhere joke! Zing!

100 Billion dollar tax dodge is unpatriotic! Ha!

Palin: Calls Biden/Obama two-faced. She says that Obama voted for the tax cuts for the oil companies. She says "the oil companies, bless their hearts, don't like me too much..." She took on the big guys. One point Palin.

9:24
Sarah's dumbness gets into the airspace...

Small government = "MASSIVE OVERSIGHT"
Palin. Maker of sense.

9:28
"There has been so much revelation made aware to Americans these past weeks...rear the head of abuse...it's a toxic mess on Main St. that's affecting Wall Street."
And. I. Quote.

9:29
Biden says homeowners should be able to adjust mortgage principles when they are near bankruptcy.

Palin doesn't engage it. She goes back to energy. She says we have energy all over the U.S. but East Coast politicians won't let us have it!

9:30
The climate change question. What is true Palin...?

"Alaska feels and sees climate change more so than other states...I'm not one to attribute it all to man...there are cyclical changes in the climate...I don't want to argue about the causes...we gotta reduce emissions[even though that's not what's causing it according to her]....we're allowing other countries to pollute more than America would ever stand for [WHAT?!!]"

From Biden:
"I think it is man made. I think it's clearly man made...if you don't know the cause you can't solve the problem...John voted 20 times against...clean energy sources...we can create jobs in wind and solar...John thinks the answer is drill drill drill."

Palin:
"The chant is drill baby drill"

Way to correct him, Sarah Barracuda. Brilliant.

Biden 10 points.

9:35
They both support carbon emission caps.

9:36
Ooooh same sex question.

Biden
"In our administration there will be no distinction between same sex and opposite sex couples in the constitution or anywhere else" (slightly paraphrased because I got excited.)

Palin
"Not if it goes to redefining marriage as anything other than between a man and a woman...I am tolerant...we won't prohibit visitation rights in hospital...my non-support for anything other than traditional marriage.

Biden, do you support gay marriage?

Biden: "No."

Okay he's an asshole. Ten points for me for being a better citizen than both these people.

Did he really say that?! What an ass hole.

9:41
On to Iraq...

Palin: "It would be a travesty if we quit now in Iraq...etc etc" No mention of a clear plan. She did mention "grow our military." So I guess that's the plan.

Biden: Lays out a clear plan. Mentions the 10 billion dollar per month bill for Iraq. Ding.

"We will end this war."

Palin
"Your plan is a white flag of surrender. That is sure not what our troops need to hear right now....The surge worked..." Blames Obama for cutting off money for the troops.

Biden
John McCain voted to cut off money for the troops...because the bill had a provision in it to end the war and he didn't like that.

Ding.

John McCain has been dead wrong. Obama has been right.

Ding.

9:45
Tough question about Pakistan vs. Iran in terms of dangerousness...

Biden: Says a lot of smart stuff. Believes Al Qaeda attack will come from Pak. or Afg. not Iran and they are more of a worry, which contrasts with McCain's view that, in terms of an attack on us, central war on terror is in Iraq.

Palin: More worried about Iran because they are a threat to Israel...brings up Obama's willingness to meet with world leaders without pre-conditions.

"Those who try to destroy what we stand for should not be met with." -Palin

Basically she hates diplomacy.

Biden: "I'm surprised John doesn't realize that Ahmadinejad doesn't control the nuclear capabilities in that country."

Ding!

"John McCain said he wouldn't sit down with the government of SPAIN. Our NATO ally...I find that incredible."

Double ding!

Palin
Reasserts that she and McCain are friends of Israel. Claims she's preventing another Holocaust. Because that's what Iran is threatening...a Holocaust.

Minus 10 points.

Biden
"No one has been a better friend to Israel in the Senate than Joe Biden."

Talking about yourself in the third person? Kelly hates it. Minus 1 point.

"These last 8 years have been an abject failure."

Palin
Accuses the dems of being incapable of making change when all they do is talk about how bad the past is.

I guess one point.

Biden
The past is a prologue! I still haven't heard how your ticket will be different from bush's! But how are you going to be different from george bush??? The same policies in Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Iran...it will lead down the same road we're on now!

Crickets.

127 points Biden.

9:58
I got up to get more wine. They were talking about Afghanistan. No points awarded in the interest of fairness.

10:00

Biden lets out a heavy sigh.

10:01
Darfur? Do we have the stomach for it?

Biden
We have the stomach for success. Look at Bosnia. We took Serbs, Croats, and Bosnians and we have a relatively stable government there now. McCain disagreed at first, and then he agreed. "I don't have the stomach for genocide." Ding. Several million points. "We should rally the world..."

Palin
"You voted for the war and now you're against it...Americans are craving that straight talk...you supported McCain's war strategies adamantly...as for Darfur we can agree on that making sure all the options are on the table there also...as governor of a resource rich state...[they had business with Sudan] we called for divestment to make sure we weren't seen as doing anything in support...that legislation hasn't passed yet but it needs to."

3 points.

Biden
"I never supported John McCain's strategy on the war."

Palin
John McCain knows what Evil is....he knows how to win a war.

10 points.

What would you do if you became president?

Biden
I would carry out Obama's policies...all stuff taking care of middle class. Awesome. "I agree with everything Barack Obama says." 37 points.

Ha ha. He mentions Bush Doctrine!!

ZING!

Palin
I don't agree with McCain on everything. I would push him on the ANWAR thing. I will put government back on the side of the people. I will put Wasilla in the white house and show Washington how we feel about all this bureaucracy.

10 points, people will like this one.

Biden
Ask any regular American whether or not the last 8 years has been kind to them. They'll say no.

15 points.

Palin
We're not the bush administration.

3 points.

Palin came from a house full of school teachers. How is that possible.

"we need flexibility in NCLB..."

We need to get RID OF IT!!! Minus 9 zillion points. (Oh and FUND whatever goes in its place!)

Biden
We need to get back to education.

I can't blog this part because I'm having an orgasm. Go Joe GO!

Funding for ECE...Funding for NCLB...etc etc all awesome. Plus 900 points.

10:16
Am I watching Fargo?

10:17
Palin wants all the powers (in two branches of government...) that cheney seems to think the VP gets. Biden thinks cheney is dangerous and has read the constitution recently. 10 points Biden.

10:18
On experience...

Palin
She resents the experience accusation. As an executive in my big state, being a mom, my connection to heartland in America, going through no health insurance periods in life, sending kids to college...etc I understand what it's like to be an average American.

Oh here she goes about the exceptionalism as Americans. Fuck that. We don't want to be exceptionally good or exceptionally kind or exceptionally fair. We just want to be exceptionally hypocritical. We can point fingers at other nations for extremism, but be incredibly extremist in our policies at home. We can say global warming is a problem, but we won't change any of our own behaviors at the risk of offending a few fat wallets. We say other nations are dangerous, but we invade countries that didn't do a damn thing to provoke us. We say democracy means peace, but we are in the middle of two wars. She means exceptional in that we don't give a shit about anyone other than Americans, and even IN America we don't treat the majority of our citizens with respect.

10:23
Biden proves the Maverick title is bullshit. 700 billion points!

"So, Maverick he is not." Bam.

Oh man that was awesome.

10:30 pm

Well, she didn't totally fuck up. I'm slightly disappointed. BUT, she did go totally off topic a lot, doesn't know what the Holocaust was about, can't reconcile McCain's love for deregulation with his "reform of wall street" crap of late, wants to be even more powerful than cheney, and she did a heck of a lot of winking.

Biden was awesome. Except for the gay marriage thing. What a dick.

In other news McCain has pulled his people out of Michigan. Ha! We're gonna win. Ohhh please let us win.

10:40
Rachel Maddow has sex hair. High five Keith. I'm going to bed.