Fireworks

Gee, thank Christ we got out from underneath the UK’s tyrannical rule, otherwise we might all have health care.

Here I am in Cambridge, land of the free range eggs, where the neighbors’ litter of blond haired private school kids are waving sprinklers in celebration of their avoidance of the public school system that fucks over every child who can’t afford such escape. They trot past me in Harvard Square and they say, “Happy Independence Day.”

You know what, oh handsome family of four, you can say that when we are independent from foreign oil. You can say that when all schools are created equal and our highest courts don’t disable the only mechanism in place to correct the injustices perpetrated by a racist system designed by and for white people. You can tell me to enjoy my independence when my vote counts. You can tell me to celebrate independence day when this country stops acting as if it is independent of the planet on which we all live and joins the rest of the civilized world in doing something about human’s rape of the earth. Oh, dear family whose car runs on soy, you are totally saving the world in between tennis matches, and I WILL have a jaunt around the Charles with you. Yes, I will celebrate a victory for Democracy when Democratic nations stop behaving like tyrants under the guise of peacekeeping. I will look fondly upon big explosions in the sky when they don’t immediately remind me of friends coming home in boxes. I will enjoy a brewsky on the lawn when I am independent of NSA wire taps. I will lather a chicken leg with BBQ sauce when those rights our creator endowed us with are offered to somebody other than your average white male.

That’s right, I’m not freaking celebrating independence day because I am not, as a member of these united states, independent from anything except morality. And I’m damn grouchy about it, too.

With all these bombs bursting in air I thought for a second I was in Iraq. Thank God, and it’s all about God, that I am here, able to enjoy a wine spritzer and a government of by and for the people.

For fun, let’s just revisit a few of the ole colonies’ issues with the Brits:

He {that would be George III, for those of you who went to public school and your history class was replaced by test prep}has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

…it would seem that George was holding secret meetings and making decisions without consulting the appropriate information. Sounds like another George I know.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

…Boy that must have sucked. Good thing our court today transcends current political climates and adheres only to the principles of Justice. And they stay out of elections and stuff, because that’s important.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

…So it was possible for the military to engage in actions unsupported by the public? Thank Christ we escaped these wackos!

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury.

…That’s madness. We, these independent united states, would never, ever, consent to depriving a human being of a trial. We would never, say, suspend someone’s right to a trial by jury because we thought they were involved in some kind of…I don’t know…terrorism?

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments…He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us…He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

…Man, we must have really learned from this experience because now we would NEVER do this kind of thing to somebody else’s country.

Screw you guys. I’m drinking tea tonight.